My initial thoughts about my paper are that it's well written to a point, but definitely needs some revision. Not only are there some oddly worded sentences, but there's also a a few misplaced words, thoughts, and opinions. Like the repition in the sentence "the delicious 9 grams of fat and deliciousness". I really like the first two paragraphs of the paper but I'm disappointed with the last three. I think I need to spend some more time developing the last couple paragraphs with more in depth opinions and thoughts.
One thing that I need learned from my peer feedback is that I could use some more figurative language developing my paper. I also learned that I will have one really strong paragraph and then follow with weaker ones, when I know that the ending of the paper should be the strongest.
From my partner's feedback I know that I should have added more facts about the Keebler cookies and Chips Ahoy cookies, rather than just fluff up my WhoNu paragraph. I can use polls, people's reviews, and other facts to help enhance my piece.
In this piece I was told I did a good job at describing how the cookies looked, tasted and felt, especially for the WhoNu ones. She said she felt like she could imagine exactly what I had been describing as if it was sitting in front of her. Also, there was good evidence brought in so that people didn't just read my opinion but facts too.
From doing this draft, I learned the importance of expanding all thoughts, not just the really good ones, to make my paragraphs more complete and even. I think that is definitely something I will continue to have to work on as I keep writing more and more drafts.
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